my dear, dear little boy,

you are now one whole year old. i am so proud of you, and your mummy, and myself, for how far we’ve come together since the 20th of january last year.

you’ve done so much changing and learning in your first year with us, but oh, what a teacher you have been.

you have taught me how strong i can be.
and how easy i am to break.

you’ve taught me to be more patient, more loving, more mindful.

i’ve learned the true meaning of exhaustion, and of elation.
and that they often go together.

i’ve learned what it feels like to have someone else’s vomit down my top, and someone else’s shit in my hair, and how few fucks i give about that when you’re sick, or sad, or you need me.

i’ve come to know just how much i want to be for you – braver, wiser, gentler, and more constant than i’ve ever known how to be before.

you make me want to be my best self every day.
and i will keep learning and trying, while you continue to show me, little teacher.

i love you,
mama x