i’ve been thinking about resemblance lately.
having a child through a donor means that sometimes, where you should see flashes of your partner shining through in your baby’s face, you see someone else. in our case, that someone else is a friend, so his features and expressions are familiar. sometimes arty gives me a cheeky sideways look and i’m bowled over by how much he looks like his donor. other times i think he’s all me.
i love that i can look at him and see my mouth, my silly grin, and my big round head. existing alongside that happiness is a kind of grief that i don’t see s’s eyes, her nose, or her ridiculously stubby little fingers. that’s not to say that he isn’t utterly perfect the way he is, or that i would ever want to change a single thing about him, it’s just i sometimes think it must be amazing to look at your kid and see that alchemical combination of both parents all mixed up into a brand new person.
there are other ways that arty will resemble s. he has already started to mimic some of her facial expressions (a little nose-wrinkle when he grins), and i know she will shape his tastes, his talents, and his character too.
all this has also got me thinking about how i feel about the different roads we might take to having another child (this won’t be for a while, i’m just pondering). i kind of figured we’d use an anonymous donor next time, but now i’m wondering if there’s a chance i’d find it kind of odd to see flashes of a stranger in my child’s face. the other half of arty’s genes may not be s’s, but they are familiar and beloved just the same. maybe we wouldn’t notice so much because we wouldn’t be looking for the features of someone we know.
maybe next time we’ll look into finding another known donor. maybe by then we’ll have the legal right to adopt (can you believe it’s 2012 and we don’t?). whatever happens, and whoever they look like, we’ll love them to pieces, just like we love our arty.